Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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