Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
