Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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