I just saw a hot homeless man
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
