today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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