It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
