I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
