So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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