Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You left your phone here
Wait...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
