I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
