do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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