Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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