You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
