Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
