Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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