I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize