you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
