In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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