SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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