Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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