I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
