new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
