Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
