I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
