maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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