Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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