wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
