I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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