a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
