I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
