1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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