So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
