so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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