I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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