I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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