Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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