420 ftw
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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