I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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