just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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