I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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