I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
