the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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