Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
