So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
