Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
