Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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