Where is the hickey?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
