she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
