hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
