Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
