just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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