You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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