some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
