she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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