Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
