I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
