i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
