dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
