I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
