Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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