I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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