We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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